I can’t believe I forgot to post about knitting these beards considering how much joy they gave. I had to miss out on Eurovision this year due to the thesis but I was, of course, aware of the landslide victory for Conchita against a backdrop of conservative disapproval. By wonderful coincidence, I happened to be visiting Vienna very shortly afterwards and my friends and I felt that a show of solidarity for Conchita was as essential as sausage consumption. A beard is a wonderfully quick and fun project that only requires a very basic understanding of knitting. Since I had orange, yellow and black yarn in my stash I decided to coordinate the beards to our hair colours. Here we are under the benevolent/constipated watch of Freud.

These beards took under two hours each to knit, including finishing. I’m going to include a simple pattern as the one on Ravelry is a bit dodgy.

  • About 30g (30m/yards) chunky yarn OR 60m/yards worsted/aran weight yarn held double
  • 5mm needles
  • Tapestry needle


Note: Always slip the first stitch purlwise

Row 1. Cast on 42 stitches

Rows 2 & 3. Sl(ip) 1, K end

Row 4. Sl 1, K16, cast off 12, K to end

Row 5. Sl 1, K to gap, cast on 12, K to end (42 sts total)

Rows 6-14. Sl 1, K to end

At this point, measure. The beard should reach the the bottom of your chin when held to your face to ensure a good fit. Knit a few more rows if you have a longer chin.

Row 15-20. Sl 1, K2tog 3 times, K to last 7 sts, K2tog 3 times, K

Row 21 Cast off remaining stitches (there should be 12)

I left long tails on both ends. You can crochet a long chain and either use it to tie around the head or make little loops to attach to the ears (this works well if you wear glasses).

Alternatively, sew the beard into a hat, it will be easy to remove.

Conchita says relax.